Jun 26, 2011

Sad cat is sad

 I debated about posting this because I want this blog to be positive and not focus on negatives.  However, in life there are disappointments and let downs so I might as well post about that as well.

The job offer I accepted was withdrawn last week, 3 days before I was to start.  WITHDRAWN.  I have no idea what kind of company does such a thing after sending a written offer, benefits package, drug test, background check and everything else.  But it happened to me.  I guess that is the climate we are living in these days.  Everything is about money and the bottom line.  The reason I was given was that they needed to add a position with revenue.   While I understand that, it would have been nice to nice know that right away instead of letting me think I actually had a job.  I turned down interviews and stopped my search.  Now I just have to start all over again.

To say I was devastated is a good way to describe it.  When I got the phone call I feel like I was punched in the gut.   As I said, I turned down interviews because this is the position I wanted.   Even though it was not my fault, I feel like I can't win.  I'm sure in this economy I'm not the only one who feels this way or has been in this situation.  BUT IT SUCKS.  It sucks that you can offer someone a job and then turn around 2 weeks later and take it away.  It sucks that I got my hopes up and was looking forward to a working environment that I thought would be a great fit for me.  It sucks that I am still stuck at home all day, watching boring TV because I don't want to spend money unnecessarily.  It sucks that I can't go to Zumba because I don't want to spend the money to go.  

The thing I am dreading is just the job search.  As anyone out of work knows, looking for a job and going to interviews is mentally draining.  While I know I am a good interviewer, I'd rather be a good employee. The waiting game is something I have never been good at. 

I guess the saving grace for me was that I handled it professionally.  I told the caller that I was shocked and disappointed but I understood and wish I was told sooner.  I emailed caller later and thanked them for their honesty.  Caller said that they still needed someone and they would contact me when the position opened up again.   That being said--would you want to work there?   I'm torn.  The position was a wonderful fit and I really liked the people I spoke with. However, this treatment left a very bad taste in my mouth.  VERY.  I just don't know if I could ever trust them again.

I'm normally a very positive person.  Even when I've been laid off, I've never gotten this negative or felt this bad before.   I'm trying to find a sliver of positive light in this dark cloud but right now I can't.  Perhaps it will reveal itself to me later on.  My horoscope claims that I should be having good luck at work soon.  Haha, very funny.

DH has been very tolerant of me as of late.  I've been extremely anti-social due to the shame of it I guess.  I don't think he quite knows what to make of my behavior either since this is  just not like me.  I guess I just can't stand people pitying me and telling me it's going to be alright. 

For me, I am just going to go with saying that my grandmother always said.  "Put your head down and keep going!"   Which is true.  I come from a family of strong women on both sides of my family.  They've dealt with way worse than this and there's no reason that I can't either.   I just have to get on with it.

To end on a positive note, I do have 2 interviews this week and a possible third later in the week.  So please send your best wishes, vibes, prayers etc., that something turns out for me.  My husband will thank you! ;)

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